Thank you for sharing this very beautiful dimension of the “inner me”. It is clear that what you describe afforded you a veridical insight into the nature of things; I have never had any doubts on that score—doubts, that is, about whether you are operating on the basis of real experience(s). The trick, of course, is to move from experience or state (hal) to station (maqam).

The fact that this particular intuition seems to have been prompted in some way or on some level by your reading of Chuang Tzu and that it occurred during the night reminded me of Benoit’s description in Zen and the Psychology of Transformation of a state of “pure calm” induced by reading a book and then of the succeeding “instant”, in which “I no longer feel that the world and I are separate”.

Of course, the next step for you is to begin converting or extending the insight acquired in this relatively passive state through an active engagement or actualization—an engagement that comes in part from “living things out to the full”, including in your case a married life with H. You must eventually get up from your zafu and mindfully begin the day. Thus does kensho open on to satori.